if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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