i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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