I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
