I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
