:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
