I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
