how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
