So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
