hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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