I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm passing your future prison.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
