You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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