i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
