What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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