I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
