The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
