she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
