why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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