I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
