he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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