i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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