Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
