No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
