THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
