I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
