sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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