I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The power of my boobs compel you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
