We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
