i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
