I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
