You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
