I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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