so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
