I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
