Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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