I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize