By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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