What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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