youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
