My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
