We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
