I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's like iHOP with fire
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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