I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
