I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
