I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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