Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
