No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
two words: eviction party
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
