Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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