then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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