Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
