one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
