i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
