I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
