I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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