Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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