there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this is an emotional support booty call
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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