Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
