every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
