i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
