woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
