She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
