you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
