it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
