girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
