I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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