seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
