if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
