I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
