so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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