"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
