I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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