I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
