Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
