im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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