i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
