I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
