We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
